Appreciation

Every once in a blue moon I get these crazy ideas. I might even go so far as to say epiphanies. Yes, epiphany. I get epiphanies, or have an epiphany, I’m not sure which. At any rate, I recently had one such experience. It happened in the way that I imagine most people experience epiphanies: unexpectedly and without any good reason. I believe I was home alone having just finished a movie. I’m not even sure that there was a particular event that may have led up to or caused this sudden revelation, it just happened, and to be perfectly honest, it was really quite simple, as I believe to be the nature of most epiphanies; never too deep or profound, just a simple truth coming to light. In fact, this bit of information may not mean a thing to you. You may move on and not think twice about ever having heard it, but it hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and have tried constantly to apply it to my everyday life. So are you ready? Are you ready for this life-changing thought? Alright, here it is:

What if, instead of constantly being critical of other people and finding all of their faults, we appreciate them for who they really are?

Bam. I said it. Feeling enlightened yet? Yeah, I didn’t think so. But just hear me out, allow me to elaborate a bit.

Now, I realize that this so-called revelation is a hypothetical question rather than a solid piece of truth, but that’s because, honestly, it isn’t a reality for most of us. I’d like to think of this as more than just wishful thinking and more so as a tangible way of living for those of us who follow Christ.

I would like to clarify by saying that I am not talking about an individuals’ lifestyle and/or doctrine. That’s not it at all. I believe that, according to 1 Corinthians 5:12-13, we are to judge our brothers to see that that their lifestyle is matching their doctrine, and to bring correction when necessary (2 Tim. 3:16-17). That I do not question. What I am referring to however is a persons likes and dislikes, their personality, the things that make a person who they are.

I believe what brought this on was the realization or perhaps the feeling that, around certain people, I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t be who I know I really am without feeling judged. I realize this may sound incredibly elementary and perhaps even insecure or childish, but I believe it is a reality for more of us than we may be willing to admit.

Let me also clarify by saying this: I am not insecure (well, I’m sure I probably am in some ways, in fact I’m almost certain of it, but that’s another issue for another day). This is not a matter of me having hurt feelings or being “mad at the world” either. I guess it just saddens me to see so much focus on the things we dislike about the people around us rather than taking the time to notice the differences, the uniqueness, the specialties, if you will, of each person. It’s so easy for us to poke fun at people or criticize them simply because we don’t like the same things or speak the same way or come from the same background. To avoid being too vague, let me attempt to give some specific examples.

Let’s take my own household, for instance. I’m not sure I could be living with a more opposite group of people than I live with right now. Take Anthony Conrad for example. He’s from Baltimore. East Coast Guy. He’s loud, boisterous, he doesn’t hold back, he reacts strongly to everything, making him the most entertaining person to watch a movie with that I’ve ever known. Definitely not like me. Or how about Ronnie Walker? He’s from Alaska, totally into rap/hip-hop, fantasy novels, movies like The Fast and The Furious and Bad Boys, and could spend hours on end listening to sermon podcasts. Also not me. Then there’s Brant Shumate, farmer boy from Kansas, quiet and reserved unless you’re a close friend, wannabe daredevil, blunt, straight-to-the-point kind of guy. Luke Webster, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania man and proud of it. This guy is basically the poster child for NPR and the world of indie music. If it’s obscure or out of the ordinary he’s probably a fan of it. He’s the kind of person most of us would describe as “artsy-fartsy”. And last but certainly not least, TJ Welch. TJ is the kind of person who himself is incredibly private and is not going to share anything personal unless you’ve sworn a blood pact with him, and at the same time he thrives off of pointing out the personality quirks in other people. Truth be told, if you don’t know TJ well enough, he can come off as downright offensive. Logic is TJ’s best friend. If something cannot be logically argued, it’s not worth discussing to begin with.

I say all of that to say this: there are so many things about each person that are unique and worth enjoying and appreciating, but instead we spend so much time criticizing our differences. That’s what hit me that day alone in my house. How much more could I appreciate the people in my life if I would stop trying to change them into another me and simply appreciate them for who they are. No, I don’t like a lot of the music Luke likes, or any of the movies Ronnie likes, and yes, sometimes even holding a civil conversation with TJ is in and of itself a challenging activity, but that shouldn’t make me like or appreciate them less. Rather, I should say, “You know what, man, even though I don’t care one bit about such-and-such, I really appreciate the fact that you are so passionate about it”, or realize that, hey, you know what, so-and-so is loud and sometimes obnoxious, and yeah, maybe some of it is probably a maturity issue, but for the most part, that’s just who he is, and just because he’s a loudmouth, that shouldn’t make you dislike him, because truth be told, he probably thinks you’re pretty boring! You see how that works?

There are so many things that each one of us has to offer to one another, so much we can contribute with our different personality types, dispositions, opinions, points-of-view, experiences, likes and dislikes. I just wish we could all see that in one another. I don’t want to have to live my life feeling unappreciated or like I have to conform to someone else’s likings for them to enjoy my company.

Perhaps all of this has seemed like one big speech or a sort of personal soapbox, and maybe it is, I don’t know. But, I think all of this being said, I want to issue to you a challenge. The next time you think about criticizing someone or comparing them to yourself or anything along those lines, stop and think of something you appreciate about that person. Or better yet, sit down sometime soon and write a list of the people you are closest to and begin to list the things that you admire and appreciate about them, ways that they are different from you. This is often times a good test of how well you really know a person.

I am truly grateful that God has brought these things to my attention, and I believe that with this mindset, I can really begin to know my friends and family in a much deeper way. I am daily amazed at the great differences in the people I come in contact with every single day, and while there are obviously some differences that cannot be compromised (e.g. faith in Christ and the way we as believers should live in comparison with those who are of the world), I believe all the others are worthy of celebrating the diversity of God’s creation displayed in His people.